How to Deal with Parental Advice
Being a mother, especially a first time mother, you get given 'advice' left, right and centre. Even from complete strangers. I've had a sales assistant in Hobbycraft tell me how to cut my child's nails.
*I know, right?* Monica Geller style
And, have you noticed everyone has a cure/remedy/theory about EVERYTHING baby related?
'I did ______ and mine turned out alright...'
'My mother taught me that...'
'Oh darling, I wouldn't do that if I were you...'
You get the picture. It is seriously a pet peeve of mine. Not because I don't like advice. I love advice. Just not things said in a patronising way. And, I'm very conscious of passing information on. I think that's why I love blogging. I write what I think/feel and if you take my thoughts on board - that's great, if not, it doesn't matter. The world is still revolving.
So, how do you deal with all these advices thrown at you?
1. Smile sweetly with a strong concentrated face, nod intently and actually take it on board because it actually sounds logical.
2. Smile sweetly and say you researched in the library, on the internet and spoken to your own mother and you feel xyz will work best but thank them for their concern.
3. Smile sweetly, nodding your head and just let the 'advice' go in one ear and out the other.
4. Scream at them that you will ask for advice if you need it.
5. Imagine in your head your whacking said person with a rubber hammer as they share their advice, in the meantime actually nodding your head to them.
6. Plan your dinner for the evening in your head.
Number two is the usual go-to for me, but number five is definitely a favourite.
I usually opt for number two because some people really make you feel inadequate. You just have to show them you have actually done something about it. It's a shame, women have made new mums feel like that when they're most likely unaware they are offending. Of course, hormones flying high, on the brink of self-destruction from the first bitter taste of sleepless nights, all take a play into the emotions of how you react to said 'advice'.
Following this, how are you actually supposed to learn yourself, if you continuously have different methods thrown at you?
Prior to giving birth, I was working at the NHS and my colleague, an ex-Matron, gave me the best advice:
Use your common sense. He will love you regardless as all he knows is love. If he's unhurt, you're doing a good job. There is no right or wrong. Just common sense.
And, to this day, that's what goes through my head because there are hundred ways to do something, but at the end of it, it is all down to common sense and mother's instincts. As, you are the only one who knows your baby the best. The great thing about being a new mummy, both you and your baby are learning about one another. So, take each day as it comes. The sleepless nights will become bearable, I promise you. And, just take each advice with a smile - it's entirely your decision whether you take it on board or not.
And, just remember, this is your journey with your little one. If they're smiling, they're happy which means you're doing something right. So, dust your shoulders to the patronising advice. Do what feels right as motherly instincts is actually a real thing!
And, may this journey be a blessed one, insha'Allah.
Mini Mango - One Day Old <3