Toxic Friendships

Friendship. Like, life itself, it’s a very sacred thing. We make them, we break them, we cherish them, we hold them close to our hearts and we never forget them.

So, what defines friendship? Is it being there for them? Holding their hands through the good and the bad? Is it down to how many years you’ve known each other? Or, is it them knowing your best stories? Or, even better, they lived through the stories with you?

For me, friendship is everything about them letting you have the freedom to be yourself, no judgment. You know the ones where they accept you as you are? It’s the type of friendship where you can go weeks or even months not talking (because everyone has a life of their own to get on with) but you can pick up where you left off and theres no bitterness for not speaking and it doesn’t feel like you’ve not spoken for so long. It’s when you mess up or are struggling and they’re still there holding your hand but it’s also when you’re successful and happy and your situation is better than theirs and they’re happy for you. And, you don’t doubt their happiness, you know?

That is friendship. None of this jealousy stuff. All that does is bring bitterness to a friendship and it crushes your happiness making you feel guilty for being in a good place. It also shows their character, it shows their 'insecurities, limitations and needs' (Lulu). Just remember if someone is trying to bring you down and destroy your happiness, they are doing it out of jealousy and they are unhappy in their own lives. But, what you have to remember is to not let this negativity make you lose yourself. You stay being you. And, never change your good nature to suit them. Even through the crap, you stay there, being you.

So, what happens when the friendship starts to become toxic? Do you walk away? Do you try and make it work? Or, do you just ignore it and stay in this toxic relationship?

I, personally would have to walk away from this type of relationship because if a friend becomes your enemy, they were never a friend from day one. And, honestly, who has time on this Earth to be in such a relationship? As I said at the start, life is sacred, every second of being alive counts. Make sure it’s filled with positivity. We need to be in friendships where we try to raise one another. We need friendships where we are aggressively passionate about one another and our life choices, even if it is a bad choice, they will be there defending you at every corner. And, not the type of friendship where the conversations turn dry after you’ve shared your successes. But, these are the friendships you need to take note of and avoid. As they are the people who will rain on your parade because they are jealous of your sunshine and are tired of their shade.

But, because you are so good natured, you have to try and work out why they are like that towards you. And, you will question your nature. But, you need to understand that you are merely a victim of their own self-pity. They are the type of people who will try and make you feel responsible for the way they feel. And, let’s be honest, the victim look isn’t pretty. These are the people that you need to stay away from, especially if they get angry with you when *they* have done something wrong. Or, if they cannot see the wrong they have done, but when you do what they have done, they are quick to point out your errors. Because, people will notice the change in your attitude towards them, but what they fail to recognise is their behaviour is what made you change. So, just simply walk away from this friendship. For your own mental health. And remember they will never become who they want to be if they keep blaming others for who they are now. Respect yourself enough to walk away and know that one day, you will understand walking away was the best thing to do.

As you get older your circle of friendship will decrease but the value, loyalty and laughter will only increase - and that’s amazing. You only need a handful of people in your life. You will learn about disappointment, and be completely gutted but it’s life. You hold your head high, you do not chase people, you carry on being you and the right people will find you and stay. You must never change. But, you must never ever let yourself get into a toxic relationship. And, when you leave that friendship, your heart will break a little but I’m telling you now, it will be okay.

So, really take time to think about who deserves to be in your circle. And, never be the envious, jealous type. Be the hustler, well-wisher and go-getter. Stay true to yourself as who you choose to spend time with, your thoughts with, your effort with depends all on how much you love yourself. If you stay with people who treat you badly, they will think it’s okay to do this - and it’s not okay.

Only stay in friendships where they treat you well.